It's Monday morning. I can't go back to sleep, but I can't muster the energy to crawl out of bed and face the week ahead. I've got the post-Vegas blues.
Living in So Cal, I've spent my fair share of time throwing away money on Roulette and slot machines in lovely Sin City. However, this weekend was the first time I've had the entire Vegas experience: The pool parties.
I still can't fathom how we drank (and I mean drank) all day poolside only to head back to the hotel room for a measly hour of reapplying makeup then hit club after club until the sun came up. AND THEN GO RIGHT BACK TO THE POOL and do it all over again. Crazy. ness.
In an attempt to delay getting out of bed, I'm going to recount the stark observations I made over this jam packed weekend.
The Car Ride:
1. Don't be accommodating and say you don't mind sitting bitch. In traffic this could be a 5 hour drive.
2. Speaking of the car ride. You cannot buy a gas station hotdog, or any other foul smelling food and eat it in the car. You're also not allowed to eat shit food then whine about being fat for the rest of the trip.
3. I'm excited to see Avicii, Hardwell and Bassnectar too! But there's no reason to blast house music for the entire ride before we get out eardrums blown out by the same music for 72 hours straight.
4. No objections. We're stopping at Mad Greek and I'm loading my bags with baklava and gyros. Sorry for partying.
The Pool:
1. Cheeky bottoms are totally in! But don't wear them if your ass is covered in cellulite.
2. You know what, I don't care if you're addicted to In n Out, but if you're body is not 'bikini ready' why don't you just keep your cover up on?
3. Wedge sandals at the pool - absolute must. Stilettos? go to hell.
4. Every girl in Vegas has fake tits. It literally feels like a playground for girls with boobs. Check your insecurities about being flat chested at the towel rental.
5. Would I go in the cess-pool where people are blatantly having sex? Probably not. Am I judging you for dipping in? most likely. (this rule especially applies to Wet Republic).
Sin City:
1. Yes the Spearmint Rhino serves food. No you're not going to order anything to eat a strip club. Slap out of it.
2. If your ass cheeks are showing out of your dress and your strides are a small shuffle, your dress is probably too short and too tight. Oh and just because its Vegas doesn't mean you need to be adorned in glitter and sparkles. Or (gasp) white eyeliner.
3. Dear guys from New Jersey who fly to Vegas with their 20 closest meathead friends: Cat call and whistle all you like, but get your tanned hands away from my ass. NOT COOL to grab girls when they walk by you. Ok. I suppose it's probably not just NJ guys, so let me retract that and generalize to all guys. take. note: Sexual harassment doesn't work. even in "Sin City".
4. If you are somewhat attractive, or just one of your friends is cute, a Vegas weekend can be completely free. This doesn't mean you should act like a entitled bitch and forget to say thank you for the rooms, tables, dinners, gambling money and possibly even flights.
5. Vegas is as fun as you make it. Despite my stark criticisms, I love a city where everyone is accepted with open arms. Don't stress over your body or wardrobe or anything else superficial. Grab a cocktail, roll the dice and fist pump with abandon - what happens in Vegas still stays in Vegas if you spend your time enjoying yourself instead of on instagram.
Living in So Cal, I've spent my fair share of time throwing away money on Roulette and slot machines in lovely Sin City. However, this weekend was the first time I've had the entire Vegas experience: The pool parties.
I still can't fathom how we drank (and I mean drank) all day poolside only to head back to the hotel room for a measly hour of reapplying makeup then hit club after club until the sun came up. AND THEN GO RIGHT BACK TO THE POOL and do it all over again. Crazy. ness.
In an attempt to delay getting out of bed, I'm going to recount the stark observations I made over this jam packed weekend.
The Car Ride:
1. Don't be accommodating and say you don't mind sitting bitch. In traffic this could be a 5 hour drive.
2. Speaking of the car ride. You cannot buy a gas station hotdog, or any other foul smelling food and eat it in the car. You're also not allowed to eat shit food then whine about being fat for the rest of the trip.
3. I'm excited to see Avicii, Hardwell and Bassnectar too! But there's no reason to blast house music for the entire ride before we get out eardrums blown out by the same music for 72 hours straight.
4. No objections. We're stopping at Mad Greek and I'm loading my bags with baklava and gyros. Sorry for partying.
The Pool:
1. Cheeky bottoms are totally in! But don't wear them if your ass is covered in cellulite.
2. You know what, I don't care if you're addicted to In n Out, but if you're body is not 'bikini ready' why don't you just keep your cover up on?
.JPG) |
| This pool doesn't count it was a private cabana! |
4. Every girl in Vegas has fake tits. It literally feels like a playground for girls with boobs. Check your insecurities about being flat chested at the towel rental.
5. Would I go in the cess-pool where people are blatantly having sex? Probably not. Am I judging you for dipping in? most likely. (this rule especially applies to Wet Republic).
Sin City:
1. Yes the Spearmint Rhino serves food. No you're not going to order anything to eat a strip club. Slap out of it.
2. If your ass cheeks are showing out of your dress and your strides are a small shuffle, your dress is probably too short and too tight. Oh and just because its Vegas doesn't mean you need to be adorned in glitter and sparkles. Or (gasp) white eyeliner.
.JPG) |
| opening weekend at Hakkasan |
4. If you are somewhat attractive, or just one of your friends is cute, a Vegas weekend can be completely free. This doesn't mean you should act like a entitled bitch and forget to say thank you for the rooms, tables, dinners, gambling money and possibly even flights.
5. Vegas is as fun as you make it. Despite my stark criticisms, I love a city where everyone is accepted with open arms. Don't stress over your body or wardrobe or anything else superficial. Grab a cocktail, roll the dice and fist pump with abandon - what happens in Vegas still stays in Vegas if you spend your time enjoying yourself instead of on instagram.
No comments:
Post a Comment