The Bucket List, revised.

When I first wrote out my bucket list senior year of college, my goals and dreams seemed unattainable.  Some, like pursuing acting and hosting, I knew were so far out of the realm of possibility that I was too ashamed to even write them down.  The list had things like, win a pageant, write a memoir, learn to change a tire, drive cross country, see the grand canyon.  As I stretched into myself and began crossing off some of the travel and adventure goals, I added more elaborate ones, like yacht week and running a half marathon.  And somewhere around my 25th birthday, I swallowed my fear of failure and judgement and made a profound leap of confidence, writing down 'land an acting role in tv or film' and, the very far-fetched 'host a show for Travel Channel'.   Over this past year, this goal has manifested itself, and I felt overwhelmed with disbelief when I got to cross off both goals and shoot further into the stars.  My travel channel show is still on reruns, and I realized that perhaps, what I really wanted was not to just have a show on Travel Channel, but to host a travel show - where I get to
really see the world and experience other cultures. And, this too, I got to cross off as I found myself guiding the camera through the colonial Spanish squares and Carribean beach fronts of Colombia.

This past year has been such a whirlwind of rejections and successes, and I find myself exhausted by the process of 'making it' in Hollywood.  I write this while I watch the Oscars, chills running down my spine during the most heartfelt speeches of disbelief as the recipients accept the highest honor of 'making it'.  

What do I take from this? all of this?  That, I'm not going to play my bucket list safe anymore.  Sure, the travel checklist still exists, and I will one day hike Macchu Picchu, skydive in Hawaii and walk the Great Wall of China. And I still want to get my phD, write a book, and not one, but a bunch of great screenplays.  But I am adding a new goal. A really far reached, easily scoffed at and nearly impossible goal.  To win an oscar.